Same-sex Lust Recovery in Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)

SA members share their experience, strength and hope

Homophobia and SA

Here is what some SA members say about this. .

Definition: “Unreasoning fear of or antipathy toward homosexuals and homosexuality” (Random House II). (It’s interesting that the term came into usage in the late Fifties, just as the Sexual Revolution was getting underway.)

Granted, there’s unreasoning fear and antipathy regarding the same-sex experience in the world. However, I’m hard pressed to detect any of this in SA meetings. To the contrary, I see and hear a lot of tolerance, identification, and compassion.

I do confess to having been afraid of lust in any form. You could call me lustophobic. Now there’s a term most of us could hang our hats on! I’ve been struck by both forms of the rattlesnake and don’t want any part of any of lust. And one of my great joys today is increasingly surrendering fear of lust. It’s all right to be tempted; I have a Way out today. There’s victory over lust and all its fear, thank God.…

My addiction can’t accept same-sex sexualizing in SA because of what I experienced in my acting out. It’s toxic for me. . . . I just can’t be around it any more.

How To Treat Same-Sex ….Persons in SA  With understanding and compassion, just like we would want to be treated. Most of us know some very dear people from these experiences. In some meetings, they may even make up a considerable percentage of members.

However, this doesn’t mean we have to accommodate or validate same-sex … sexualizing or call ourselves or other members sober when we are not. We support recovery in anyone of any experience.

From Principles Corroborating SA’s Interpretation of Sexual Sobriety, copyright 1991 SA Literature, all rights reserved. Reprinted with permission of SA Literature.

Carrying the SA message

A member shares how he carried the message of SA  recovery to a newcomer.

Recently I met with a newcomer who was inquiring about SA. He had identifed five different fellowships dealing with sexual addiction.  He wasn’t quite sure where he belonged. He wanted a fellowship that would support his involvement in a same-sex relationship.

I shared that I deal with same-sex lust and had been involved in same-sex relationships prior to coming to SA.  Those relationships had stopped working for me, but I was unable to change my behavior.  I shared that I need a fellowship like SA that rules out same-sex behavior, and that there are other  members like me in SA.

Seeing that he was not interested in SA’s approach to same-sex lust, I explained which of the other fellowships would meet his needs. He found the maze of program acronyms confusing, so I even wrote down the name of the other S fellowship for him. It seemed important not to argue the point or try to sell him on SA.

I recalled some things I had read in Alcoholics Anonymous (95) about working with others: “do not wear out your welcome,” “do not exhibit any passion for crusade or reform,”  “never talk down,” and “offer him friendship and fellowship.”

In my early recovery, I heard something that has stuck with me: “Before people care what you know, they need to know that you care.”  I hope I left this man with accurate information about SA, but more important, with the feeling that he had been treated with care and respect.